Delta Beta
by Wolfen Kahlon
Summary: Nathan tries to beta Diva's fic which bashes Saya. Silliness ensues.


Disclaimer: Blood+ and all its characters belong to Production I.G. I make no profit from this work.

* * *

"So what do you think?" Diva asked, ink stained hands clutching together in trepidation.

"Well," Nathan began as he glanced back at the slightly crumpled and much-blotted manuscript in his hands. "Your descriptions are certainly very… vivid, especially the evisceration scene… and it is quite evocative of the 1940's…" Diva's grin virtually shone. "But I think I can see why you wanted my help with the dialogue." She should have asked for help with the plot, characterisation, and pacing too, he thought but decided against mentioning this.

"It's been such a pain." Diva pouted, plopping down on a footstall. They were in one of the smaller living rooms of Nathan's current home. Cupping her chin in her hands and resting her elbows on her knees Diva looked a perfect picture of discontent. Perhaps too perfect; it was sometimes hard to tell when she was being genuine, and when she was just playing; a mistake could be costly.

"This line for instance: 'woe, for I am so boring and serious, and would not know fun if it snuck up and groped me.' Doesn't really sound like something Saya would say." Nathan continued, trying to think of a way to keep Diva happy without lying too obviously; She had asked for his 'honest' opinion but he had no desire to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find all of his fingers.

"But that is what she's like now." Diva said, rising from her seat and actually stamping her foot in frustration.

"True but I don't think that's how she would see it. I think the problem is you haven't seen enough of her to really know how she talks." Nathan suggested tactfully.

"I know!" Diva declared suddenly. "We'll find one of the humans that follow her around, bring them back here and ask them how she talks!"

"Diva. You didn't start this little project just as an excuse to steal your sister's humans, did you?" Nathan asked in a mockery of an admonishing tone.

"Of course not." Diva said with all the sincerity of a cat who has just eaten a prized goldfish. "I was only going to borrow them for a bit anyway."

"Now, now. You know Amschel would be angry if I let you do anything to reveal your position to Saya. You don't want me to get in trouble do you?" Nathan crouched down behind Diva as if to shield his lanky frame with her petite form, causing her to burst into uncontrollable giggling while he made big sad 'puppy-dog' eyes at her.

"Can we at least sneak up and grope her?" She pleaded, still trying to stifle laughter a few minutes later. Nathan gave the appearance of giving the request very careful thought: stroking his chin, looking off into the middle distance and generally hamming it up until Diva went into fresh peals of laughter.

"What if she does recognise fun though? That would really give your position away." He replied eventually. Diva made a valiant attempt at looking disappointed but dissolved into giggles again the second she made eye contact. She also made several rather suggestive gestures that caused her to giggle even harder, presumably imagining Saya's reaction.

"How about, instead of Saya, I sneak up and grope James while you watch?" Nathan's offering had the desired effect: Diva's eyes lit up and she grabbed Nathan's hand, before making a beeline for the door with a step that somehow combined a march and a skip.

"Oh yes, that reminds me of something else I wanted to write." She said in a tone that made him lean in conspiratorially. And so they walked off into the sunset while writing the most lurid Haji/Solomon lemon ever.

* * *

"Well I think it's catching." Diva said. "He never used to be so dull: running around and all very dramatic; with a sense of humour; and he even killed humans a few times without being all berserk and scary, even if it was only when they threatened Saya. But now he's all… all…" She suddenly turned round reached into Solomon's jacket with a hand on each side and felt around for a bit, before coming away with a stack of business cards and a fountain pen, she then proceeded to write with these, using Nathan's back to rest on, all while the three of them were still walking along.

They had run into Solomon just as they were leaving the grounds of Nathan's house. Since he had come to see Diva anyway he had ended up coming with them, although he did not know their plan; and by mutual unspoken agreement Diva and Nathan had decided not to inform him that they were planning to write about him, artfully turning the conversation to a more general discussion about Haji. He was definitely suspicious of them though; probably because Diva was watching him intently, possibly hoping to spot any interesting reactions to the talk about Haji.

Her writing complete, Diva ripped a strip of fabric off of the sleeve of her expensive dress and used it to tie her hair back in a rough approximation of Haji's ponytail. She then adopted a neutral expression with her eyes half closed, she maintained this same expression constantly while holding up the cards she had written on one-by-one, they read: 'Happy'; 'Sad'; 'angry'; 'Apathetic'; 'Friendly'; 'Quixotic'; 'Shocked'; 'Bored'; 'Enthralled'; and finally 'Oh no! Saya is being mauled by rabid pandas!'.

"…Like that." Diva finished. There was a very long pause during which neither Chevalier spoke until finally Solomon regained his composure with a casual smile.

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on the poor fellow? That last one would change the expression of a statue."

* * *

Earlier.

The last one had given them some trouble but at last it lay crystallizing at Saya's feet. Like the other two, someone had painted it black and white in a pattern reminiscent of a racoon, or possibly a panda.

"Haji."

"…Yes?"

"Let's never ever tell anyone about this."

"As you wish."


End file.
